However, *I* am being more intentional about my homeschooling philosophy.  This helps me solidify my ideas and makes it easy (err..easiER) to explain to people what the heck I’m doing.  As Aellyn gets older and I watch her learn (while I facilitate) I want to recognize her accomplishments toward a learning goal.  In school that would be learning a certain amount of math by x age or achieving a certain test score.  What about at home?

I don’t want my overthinking to scare anyone away from natural learning!  All of this isn’t required for your kids to learn.  Learning happens naturally.  I just like to overthink. <

I was thinking about “subjects”.  Since I have no intention of purchasing a curriculum I won’t really be teaching (well, I won’t really be “teaching” at all) the traditional subjects.  My kids will learn to read, write, and do math but that is NOT the end goal of their education.  They are only tools on the path to their self realization of their potential.

So, what do I want them to learn?  I created this presentation to describe the formation of my curriculum or philosophy of homeschooling.  This is a work in progress and I’ll be tweaking it as time goes on.  Your comments or questions are very welcome!

This is best viewed in full screen or click here to leave BBD and view on Prezi.  This does require flash – sorry I don’t have a static version to share (yet).

Since last week I was protesting SOPA this week there are two weeks worth of pictures!

Babies are so much cuter in a hat!    

Sleeping angel    

Crazy hair!    

I don’t know why I bother to paint my nails when they’re chipped within 8 hours    

Boston sleeps right next to me so this is what always greets me!    

Tootsies!    

Licking the brownie spoon in her “I’m the star of mommy’s blog” tshirt (available at http://www.cafepress.com/babydustdiariesshop )    

I just never get tired of this.    

Help! Asher has a rash help me identify it. He is not hot and maybe a little fussier but not too much.    

Butt in the air and striped baby legs accentuating thigh girth. Nom.    

Lion and zebra and butt!    

Making waves!    

Bath time!    

I don’t want no French toast mom!    

Boston’s first French toast!    

She had a big day! First time at Sunday school and then running around with her cousins at a baby shower    

Went to a baby shower today and Ash fell asleep in my cousins arms    

Mobi light dressed up with vacuum attachments    

Post-Christmas clearance Santa hat of awesomeness on Boston    

New fridge. Take good look as this is the cleanest it will ever be.    

Last one. My pink marshmallow.    

She’s playing by herself in the fenced back yard do I can stay inside with the boys. Such a big girl!    

Lots of snow today!    

Put your hands in the air and wave ‘em like ya just don’t care. #twins    

Aellyn says I have “boo” eyes like grandma    

Me with dark hair    

A bed time photo shoot is becoming a tradition. 3 yo don’t understand “1 more”    

My Phoenix tattoo    

Luckily we only had some overlap (finger paints and pipe cleaners are a must!) so I decided to change mine to make it a supplement to hers.  So you really don’t want to miss the first 10 must haves at her blog.

Crafting and Art is so important in allowing kids to use their imagination.  For mom, it breaks up the monotony of being trapped in doors during the winter.  Here are some must-haves for your craft survival kit!

1. Construction Paper

Multicolored paper is something kids love but construction paper is a gem because it tears easily.  Kids love to tear and if your kid is pre-scissors it really opens up craft ideas!  Plus it is routinely available in recycled varieties!

2. Glue sticks

A less messier version of liquid glue.  This obviously needs adult supervision especially if you think your kid might want to take a taste.  But even if junior eats the whole stick it is non-toxic.  I love Coccoina almond-based non-toxic, non-acid, non-solvent glue stick!

3. Glitter

I know many of you are cringing at the mess and yes, there will be rouge pieces of glitter you will still be finding in 30 years. BUT…your kids will LOVE it!  Not only is it sparkly (oooo! sparkles!) but it is cool how it sticks where the glue is but falls off where the glue is not!  Awesome.

4. Paper Bags

Grocery bags or recycled lunch bags are available in most grocery stores and they have limitless possibilities from luminaria to puppets!  They take crayons, watercolor, or markers really well so they are great for customizing!  Check out these awesome paper bag puppets!  Not only fun to make but fun for months afterwards.

5. Googly Eyes

Along with pipe cleaners you can make anything with googly eyes!  Robots, monsters, Mr. Potato Head with an actual potato! There is even a book of 101 things to do with googly eyes!

6. Felt

Felt is construction paper’s sturdier cousin (in craft terms).  It is easy to cut, glue, and shape and it is very eco-friendly if you buy Eco-Fi.  This felt is made from 100% post-consumer plastic bottles saved from the landfill!  It is available by the bolt at fabric stores or in 9×11 sheets at craft stores.  Felt is great because it loosely “sticks” to itself so it is great for “paper” dolls as in my Dress Up Dolls (available in my Etsy shop! Check out the other great felt imaginative play toys too).

7.Macaroni

Macaroni is a fun and cheap craft item.  You can dye it colors, glue it to things, or practice hand/eye coordination skills by stringing them on yarn!  Oh, be prepared to wear macaroni necklaces to work!

8. Toilet Paper and Paper Towel Tubes

Upcycling and art go hand in hand. You can make creatures or pirate spyglasses.  they take markers and paint well (crayons are hard because you can’t push hard enough without mushing the roll).  I won’t make them each separate supplies but EVERYTHING can be upcycled art – egg cartons, milk cartons, every kind of box, etc.  There’s a book for that too! Earth-Friendly Crafts for Kids: 50 Awesome Things to Make with Recycled Stuff

9. Toothpicks

wait for it….

10. Food

Those toothpicks are the perfect connector for food art.  Personally I love mini-marshmallows and toothpicks.  Building structures (and learning how to make it stand tall) is a math and engineering skill for young kids and I’ve done this with middle schoolers as well.  It is fun and increasingly complex.  How about putting a face on an apple with carrot chunks and black olives?  Celery houses with peanut butter and toothpick nails and glue?  Smeared yogurt on a tray with a toothpick “pencil” for writing/drawing.  Fun with food provides a positive food-attitude and inspires creativity!

What are your favorite craft supplies for your kiddos?

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*If you are inclined to purchase any of the books mentioned here and you purchase through a link on this page I receive a modest referral fee from Amazon.com

• For MLK day Lauren at Hobomama addresses Talking about race with (white) kids.   It is an excellent post and I’m sure it was hard to write (as I’ve drafted my own a few times but was afraid to publish) because white people often feel they have no right to talk about race.  Lauren argues it is important to talk about it – especially with the kids!

• Since I recently did my own “shit people say” meme called “Sh*t Fat Phobic People Say” Racilicious has a great list of some of the videos and what they say about our culture in Exploring the Problematic and Subversive Shit People Say [Meme-ology]

• Another great MLK post was MontessoriNow’s list of Montessori-Inspired Peace Education Activities.  Great for homeschooling families as well.

• Good Googs talks about 10 Things People Say Before They Are Parents.  They are funny in that “oh, I said that” way but also important because they perpetuate discrimination against kids (“just leave them home, or at least keep them quiet!”.

• For My Friends with Weaning Regret via Dulce de leche couldn’t have come at a better time after my own post about Coping with Breastfeeding Loss.  If you are struggling with weaning read her post.

• My Current Thoughts on the Baby Carriers in My Stash is a great breakdown of one mother’s impressive baby carrier collection.  It is nice to see a side by side comparison for both infant, toddler, and tandem use.

Here is my submission!  Sh*t Fat Phobic People Say.  I was originally going to have a conversation between a fat girl and a skinny girl but the program I used had not a single fat body to choose from!  Notice the title is not what “skinny chicks” say because I’m not trying to stereotype; I’m trying to break down stereotypes.

How many inaccuracies can you spot?

Watch this video on YouTube.

SOPA

SOPA Infographic

SOPA Business Infographic

• My first link today is from a blog I follow simply because the owners, David and Elizabeth, were in our Bradley Birth class when we were pregnant with Aellyn.  David writes so eloquently about Marrying into Diabetes: A Husband’s Perspective.  His words apply to marriages in so many ways beyond just physical conditions.  A must read!

I am married to a beautiful woman with type 1 diabetes. On many days, diabetes has churned the waters in our relationship. I’ve argued with low blood sugars and lost. What woman can be responsible for being snippy when her blood sugar’s at 35 mg/dl (2 mmol/L)? I’ve watched date night…

• I LOVE this blog by a unschooled girl and I wanted to jump up and down clapping when I read 5 Ways to Help Someone HATE Reading.  She really hits for me why so many kids these days hate to read.  Notice too that she says she started reading at 8 or 9 years old which is completely normal and healthy unlike the forced reading at age 5.

I’ve often heard complaints and worries, from a wide variety of people, about how many people, especially youth, don’t like to read.  Blame is placed on a variety of things, from texting on cell phones to uninvolved parents to class sizes in school.  But rarely is the actual way reading…

• Positive parenting is hard because it is so different than what is being done all around us.  Need a pick me up? Read Keeping Your Faith in Positive Parenting

When things are going smoothly, it’s easy to say “Yes! Positive parenting really works!” You feel confident in your decision to raise your child this way and confident in your abilities as a parent. But what about when things aren’t going smoothly? What about when your child is acting…

It all really makes me sick to my stomach.  I was a Girl Scout, my mom was a Girl Scout leader.  My sister was one of those hardcore primitive camping type Girl Scout.  While I was a more sewing and cooking kinda Girl Scout. That was one of the things that was wonderful about it – it allowed for a very diverse definition of what it meant to be a girl.  There were no limits saying girls should like this or shouldn’t like that. The Girl Scout mission is;

Girl Scouting builds girls of courage, confidence, and character, who make the world a better place.

It was a very empowering experience.  I loved the things I learned in Girl Scouts and would really like my children to be involved in scouting too.

Well the Boy Scouts are already completely out of the question for me and my kids because they have decided to exclude gay children and adults from participation (a stance that was upheld by the Supreme Court).  That’s not something I could support or allow my kids to be exposed to.  Kudos to Steven Spielberg for stepping down from the Boy Scout Advisory Council for, in his words,

“The last few years in scouting have deeply saddened me to see the Boy Scouts of America actively and publicly participating in discrimination. It’s a real shame.”

So the Boy Scouts want to know who you have sex with.

And now, some want the Girl Scouts to demand to see your genitalia prior to enrollment.  A girl in California is asking for a boycott of Girl Scout cookies because Colorado admitted a transgendered seven year old girl.

Fortunately, these people are in the minority.  The Girl Scouts USA have affirmed the right of anyone who self-identifies as a girl to participate.  This is really an amazing thing.  Transgendered children (e.g. those born with boy genitalia but who identify as a girl and vice versa) are horribly marginalized by society and this would be a youth organization (the first?) that would openly embrace them.  I’m very proud of the Girl Scouts for this.

I still have a conundrum though.  I have a girl and two boys (assuming they self-identify with their physical sex).  How do I allow one to participate but not another?  I want them all to learn those great skills like I did (I can whip up a camp fire faster than my husband) and the camaraderie that went with them.  It breaks my heart that so much of our society is so damn interested in the private life of others that they would ruin this wonderful thing for kids.

I mean – why do you even need to know this???  No one should have to hide who they are or be someone their not.  How could that possibly build courage, confidence, or character?  Or build, as Boy Scouts’ motto says “conscientious, responsible, and productive society”?

I have a few years before I have to worry about it.  Hopefully I can find an alternative or, maybe, just maybe, the world will change and realize that love begets love and hate only breeds more hate.

My blissful, road-block and pain free nursing experience with Aellyn was NOT repeated with my boys. Breastfeeding – even just feeding breastmilk – was an uphill battle the whole way. I used donor milk.  I pumped and pumped and pumped.  I smelled like maple syrup from all the fenugreek I was taking.  I saw lactation consultants on multiple occasions and fixed latch issues.  I tandem nursed.  I even exclusively nursed for a whole month!  I thought I had arrived.  Sadly, Boston did not grow that month at all.  He was’t getting enough.  I started supplementing with formula.

And then I went back to work.  My supply just never recovered.  Boston nursed less and less because he wanted the nourishment he got from the bottle better (a mix of pumped milk and formula).  It was just like a snowball.  Eventually I was only recreationally nursing – e.g. 99% of their nourishment was from formula. And then nothing.

Just writing this and seeing that picture makes me cry. It is heartbreaking. I would give almost anything to nurse my boys again.  Trust me I’ve tried.  Even Asher, my good nurser, just cries and cries.  He doesn’t understand anymore.  I’m honestly not coping very well but I want to write out my process so I can come to grips with this devastating loss.  Maybe it will help someone else as well.

What is Breastfeeding Loss?

Breastfeeding loss is the mourning process that happens when a nursing relationship is lost or never achieves the expectations of the mother. Maybe you never nursed and have lingering feelings about it.  Maybe your didn’t nurse as long as you wanted.  Maybe you did nurse as long as the child wanted but you weren’t ready to quit and you have unresolved emotions about it.

The problem with breastfeeding loss is that you often will not feel supported by anyone in your circle.  Formula advocates will brush it off as “no big deal” because “tons of kids get formula” making you feel that remorse over not nursing were just silly.  Some (not all) lactivists will tell you all the things you could have done which just prolongs the pain.

So what’s a mother to do?

Identify the Real Source of Your Feelings

First, you need to examine your feelings regarding the breastfeeding loss.  I think there are several layers that might be present:

Accept Your Feelings

The key to coping with breastfeeding loss is to take those feelings and allow them to be.  Don’t add a further layer of “you’re so stupid” for feeling the things you feel.  It is ok.  Feel it.

I don’t feel guilt because I  know I did everything I could.

I feel embarrassment, which is why it took me 2 months to write this post.  I definitely have a reputation as a breastfeeding evangelist and I feel like a poser now because I’m not breastfeeding three kids in tandem.

I feel fear that I’ve short-changed my boys and not given them the best start.  My overwhelming emotion is nostalgia. Painful nostalgia.  This is what makes me cry the most.  I’m just SO SAD that it is over.

I have anger that my country has no respect for parenthood as indicated by the complete lack of maternity leave.  I had 3 months off and one of them my boys were in the hospital.  I was afforded time to pump but it was inadequate with preemie twins at only 3 months old.  I’m angry that our society says “breast is best” but doesn’t put its money where its mouth is.

Make a Plan

Next step is to take what you’ve learned about your feelings and create an implementable plan for what to do the next time you feel overwhelmed by that feeling.  Here are some ideas and I’ll use my plan as an example.

1. My plan for feeling guilt

• Take a moment and make a physical list of everything you did do to make breastfeeding successful.  My introduction is kind of my list.

• If you didn’t try to breastfeed at all but feel guilt figure out what you can do to change.  Guilt is a useful emotion because it makes us uncomfortable which prompts change.  Maybe you didn’t have all the information you needed or you didn’t see an LC.  These things might not be reversible but you can decide that, in the future, you will seek more information or use more professionals with parenting help.
• Forgive yourself.  Maybe hindsight tells you that you could of done more but you weren’t the same person then and you made the best decision you could at that moment.  Or, you didn’t.  Either way you are worthy of forgiveness.  Tomorrow is another day.
  I don’t feel much guilt because I really feel I did everything I could.  I forgive myself for not doing more.  I did the best I could.
  
  

2.  My plan for feeling embarrassment

•  Remind yourself that this is about your child NOT about a contest with other mothers.  Your only responsibility as a parent is your child not being Mother of the Year according to other people.
• If you only feel embarrassed around certain people, maybe this is telling you something about your relationship with this person.  (not always, you might just be neurotic!)  Sometimes we have friends that revel in our failures because it makes them feel better about themselves.  This is not the kind of people we need to be around.  Surround yourself with people that will love you and celebrate your successes.
• Get it out.  Don’t make it a secret.  Embarrassment and shame hate the light.  Shine some light on it and it evaporates.
  I’m writing this post.  Dear World, I, Paige, an avowed lactivist, have weaned my kids before 1 year.  Thank you for your support.
  
  

3. My plan for feeling fear-

• Identify the real fears.  Don’t stay in the dark.  Read about how formula is lacking. Read about the dangers of formula.  Worry prompted by lack of knowledge is worse than just confronting the reality head on.
• Learn how to maximize health when formula feeding.  This articlehas many suggestions although I would add a few:
  I think it is important to really find the least dangerous way for my boys to formula feed.  
• Don’t use soy. I really feel soy formula should only be given by prescription.  It is horrible and only needed in less than 1% of babies and yet in the US up to 50% of babies are getting soy formula.
• Don’t use fluoridated water to make formula!  Ever.  Reconstituted formula “contains 100 to 200 times more fluoride (1,000 ppb) than is found naturally in breast milk (5-10 ppb). In fact, while breast-fed infants receive the LOWEST body burden (mg/kg/day) in the population, they receive the HIGHEST body burden if they receive fluoridated formula(source).”
• Use organic formula if possible.  This avoids pesticides as well as genetically engineered foods.
• Give a probiotic supplement.  For healthy gut flora.
• Give an omega-3 supplement.  For brain development.
• Consider hydrolyzed formula.  I don’t because it isn’t organic but if you child is having trouble with regular formula this provides milk proteins that are pre-broken down and easier to digest.
• Practice gentle, responsive parenting.  This is good for the immune system and brain development two things that breastfed babies have a leg up on.  Practicing gentle and responsive parenting will bathe your baby in oxytocin the love hormone that breastfeeding releases.

4. My plan for feeling nostalgia

• Don’t avoid thinking about it.  Hold your baby and remember breastfeeding.  How it felt.  What it looked like and smelled like.  Make yourself remember the happiness you felt.  This memory is a happy memory.
• Make a breastfeeding memory book. If you don’t have pictures, blog it.  If you don’t have a blog (gasp! lol) write it in a baby book.  What did you love about breastfeeding?  What did it feel like?  If you didn’t breastfeed write about other wonderful bonding moments with your baby.
  I’m making a first year book on snapfish and including tons of happy nursing photos and memories.

5. My plan for feeling anger

• Anger can be powerful when focused!  Talk to the person who undermined you.  Let them know how you feel.  Tell them how they could have supported you.
• If you can’t talk to the person, find another way to educate others about breastfeeding support.  Donate to a worthy breastfeeding advocacy group (like NursingFreedom.org or Best for Babes or KellyMom ).  Help organize a nurse in or write a letter to your government officials about breastfeeding.  You can see examples at NursingFreedom.org.
  I’m not going to hide because of my embarrassment about breastfeeding loss.  I think Dionna at CodeName: Mama and I have started a wonderful thing over at NursingFreedom.org and I’m not going to give up when the going gets tough!  I’m even more energized about supporting legislation that supports nursing mothers.

Conclusion

Well I must say the few days it took me to compile this post have been cathartic for me.  I feel strongly that my continued sadness is just sullying my beautiful memories.  I overcame many obstacles to breastfeed premature twins!  I nursed for 8 months!  Yay me!!  I will celebrate my success and celebrate my beautiful children.

I hope that this post can help someone else that struggles with the outcome of their breastfeeding relationship.

What would you add?  What do you feel about breastfeeding loss?