2011 A Horrible, Wonderful Year

Ah 2011.  What can I say about you? My first reaction is that 2011 SUCKED BIG TIME.  I mean at least 70% of the days of this year were some of the hardest of my life.  And yet, in all the ways that really matter, you know those ways that will matter in 5, 10, 20 years, 2011 was full of life-changing blessings.  I mean I welcomed two baby boys into my family AND I became (at last) a stay at home mom.

I guess the problem was, as will most things, my blessings came with much blood, sweat and tears.  I started the year with an extended hospital stay to keep my babies from being born too early.  Hospital bedrest is misery.  Seriously.

Yet, it was a blessing because it kept my boys a-baking for a crucial extra month!

Even though my eventual goal was to be a SAHM it would probably have taken a few years for my hubby and I to get to that point.  And then Psycho Boss (PB) entered the picture.  I can’t even describe the continuous harassment I endured at this person’s hands.  The examples would be endless and cause me stress just in the remembering.  Worse yet, the process that is supposed to protect employees from Pregnancy discrimination failed me miserably.  At every turn I had people shocked at the treatment I endured and agreeing that it had to end.  Then when I finally sought formal relief it is like the “machine” that was my agency responded by getting its hackles up.  Talking about an issue is one thing – actually filing a complaint? In hindsight, the minute I formalized my complaint my career was over.  Even if I had won (or especially if I had won) I would have been blacklisted.  It became a witch hunt.  No one denied the discrimination but everything else became a problem.  In the end, a job that I loved and had always been family friendly, ended because I couldn’t attend a 6PM meeting with 3 hours notice.  They actually laughed (yes, LAUGHED) when I said I’d need a days notice to change my child care arrangements.  It wasn’t about that meeting it was about punishing me for complaining.

Ugh!  Enough of that!  Just talking about it is going to give me nightmares tonight (luckily the daily nightmares are now just weekly, they’ll go away, right?) My point is that it was demoralizing  in the extreme.  I couldn’t sleep or eat I had a constant headche and stomach ache.  I had no energy to parent.  I considered hurting myself although I don’t think I was suicidal.  It certainly combined/exacerbated/triggered severe post-partum depression.  It was the second worst thing that has ever happened to me.

Yet, I had asked God to help me stay home with my kids and he sure did.  The circumstances were less than ideal but I got my wish.  I’m sure that 5 years from now I’ll be so glad I quit my job.  Maybe I’ll even be thankful for PB?  Nah.

An added problem was that I couldn’t talk about any of this on the blog.  I get even angrier at PB when I think about him taking away my voice, my outlet.  Holding back what was really going on in my life made any writing impossible.  You can’t build a partial dam, know what I mean?  THEN I got hacked and it felt like a punch in the stomach.  Here my one solace – my blog – was being taken away.

Sob. Sob.  I know it might sound pathetic but it was a very difficult year.  I’m glad it is over and I look forward to looking back on it as a huge transitional point in my life for the better.  I also hope to NEVER relive it! However, if it is the price to pay for this and this then I’d pay it again 100 times over.

So, I was just sure I hadn’t blogged enough to have any Blog Year in Review posts but I was wrong!  I did happen to eek out several posts I’m proud of each month.  Here are my favorite and popular posts from 2011:

January – Attachment Parenting, Attachment Theory, and Being “Attached” babydustdiaries.com/attachment-par…

February – My Big Fat Preterm Labor, Pre-eclampsia, Gestational Diabetes Pregnancy Update http://babydustdiaries.com/my-big-fat-preterm-labor-pre-eclampsia-gestational-diabetes-pregnancy-update/