From time to time I like to do a Good, Bad, and Ugly post because it seems a nice way to catch up when I’ve been MIA for a while – as I have been this summer! I really want to get back into blogging – writing and reading! – this fall but I have to tell you everything that’s been going on with me. Including why I’ve been so silent.
So, in reverse order:
Post Partum Depression (PPD). It shouldn’t be surprising that I succumbed to PPD given my list of risk factors: previous clinical depression, infertility/IVF, twins pregnancy, bed rest, preemies, NICU stay, etc. But surprised or not it still sucks. I had some things going on in my life (see The Bad) that exacerbated it and it got quite bad. I talk like it is over, which it is not, but I think I’ve turned a corner wherein I can talk about it objectively. If you’ve ever had PPD, or any depression for that matter, getting to the point where you can see your depression as a 3rd party and not as “you” is a big milestone.
Partial Breastfeeding. This shouldn’t be in “ugly” but in “good”. But it speaks to my frame of mind to tell you the difficulty I’ve had with my “new normal” in breastfeeding the boys. This really takes a post all its own (Boston didn’t gain any weight the entire month of June) but needless to say my boys are getting formula at least 50% of the time and I’m learning to deal with that.
One of the things, besides the PPD, that has made it difficult for me to blog is that I have a Big Issue in my life right now that I can’t really talk about openly. This is one of those times when being a non-anonymous blogger is a pain in the butt. I find that writing is like a flowing river – you can’t just slap up a damn for only 10% of the flow. Any blockage creates a trickle. I think my inability – precieved or otherwise – to talk about this has led to my overall feelings of helplessness and victimization regarding it. None of which was good for the old PPD.So, I’ve decided to let the cat out of the bag. I’m not going to name names or run anyone through the mud or disclose specifics but I’ve experienced sex discrimination(and perhaps pregnancy discrimination, but really, what’s the difference?) for the past year at my job. I’ve stupidly tried to ignore it and hope it would go away for far too long and recently decided to do something about it. This got me started with an EEO process (Equal Employment Opportunity) which really felt even more victimizing without my own representation (which I can’t afford). It was actually making me feel worse.
Then last week I met with my union representative. I’m not a member of a union but my job is part of the bargaining unit – aka it is a “unionable” job. I can not describe the relief this has brought! Someone on my side! Someone to say “that’s not right!” where the EEO peeps had to be so neutral as to be ineffective. I literally slept well for the first time last Thursday night. On Friday I got a call from work (it is a generic number regardless of who calls from work) which usually has me throwing up (literally) with stress before I ever listen to the message (I stopped actually answeringmonths ago). However, this time is was said union rep letting me know my grievance was filed. Seriously, I feel empowered instead of small and stepped on!
Oh the blog posts about pregnancy and the working woman, maternity leave in the US, etc. that my mind has written on all those late nights when I couldn’t sleep! They will have to wait until I am free to discuss the issues at will. In the meantime, read The Price of Motherhood. Excellent, excellent book (review and other books coming soon).
Beautiful Boys! Six months old! I can’t believe it. And for all the agony of prematurity and breastfeeding they are both doing great now!
Boston (L) and Asher (R)
Creativity Galore! I finally did it! I opened my very own Etsy shop! It is called Baby Dust Boutique and it is still a baby but I’m planning on lots of great imaginative play toys and eco-friendly baby goodies! Sewing has be indescribably therapeutic for me and I just glow at seeing Aellyn play with something I made for her. The experience is so much richer than all the plastic gunk we get from stores!
I also have an item I’ve always wanted to sell: Baby Dust!! Maybe not for everyone but good luck charms were big for Pete and I during our IVFs. I mean we literally carried a backpack to the FET with crap in it meant to bring us luck. And have I ever mentioned the fertility idol our neighbors gave us? I would have loved to carry a little bit of “baby dust” around my neck. I hope other women like it too or it seems like a great gift for a friend struggling with trying to conceive when words fail you. Only $10!
I’ve went back and forth on the idea of creating a separate “craft” blog. I don’t want to bore my parenting readers with crafts or my craft readers with parenting. I guess a good business decision would be not to be so opinionated as I am on this blog, right? Oh well. I can’t be anyone other than who I am. I’m not going to divide myself. I hope you’ll enjoy everything I write but I’ll understand if you skip a post that doesn’t interest you…then again, you might really learn something! So, be prepared for more crafty goodness and shameless self promotion to come.
So that’s where I’ve been and where I’m at. I have draft blog posts coming up on a variety of topics!
Restoring Faith in the US Vaccination Program
Formula for the Breastfeeding Mama
Why Your Sons Should Be Feminists
and much more! Thanks for always being there and I look forward to continuing the parenting journey with you!
I've written before about my surprise in finding I enjoy crafty things like sewing and scrapbooking. I had kind of pigeon-holed myself into the scientific/analytic role and somehow convinced myself ...