Committed

Thanks everyone for your support and encouragement.  I was kind of wallowing in self-pity and worry for a while there but now I feel committed to make this work!

I was thinking how unfair it is that IF women have ANY pregnancy complications.  It makes me think of a blogger I used to know and follow named Beth.  She had struggled with IF and finally got pregnant with IVF.  I was so happy for her.  Then I read through the months as she struggled with Hyperemesis gravidarum.  This is morning sickness times 1,000.  Beth was hospitalized because she couldn’t eat or drink anything.  She had to IV nutrition for most of her pregnancy to make sure the baby was getting what it needed.  It was so awful to watch.  She also lost her job for missing work (!! she got lots of comments about fighting that so I’m not sure how it ended).  It was just a nightmare pregnancy and I remember feeling pissed off for her to have to go through that after IVF and all.

Next I thought about some great advice my mom gave me when my sister was in a car accident.  She had just finished her last final of her first semester back to school after a debilitating illness (psoriatic arthritis) and she got into a terrible car accident by an uninsured driver running a red light.  She was in ICU.  The picture of the car showed clumps of her hair hanging from the shattered windshield.  I felt, again, pissed off.  Hadn’t she been through enough?  I told my mom, “where the hell was God?”  She, in the infinite motherly wisdom said quietly, “he was there making sure she didn’t go through the windshield.”

Lastly I thought of my dad having a heart attack a few weeks after his 50th birthday on Thanksgiving (which, he will tell you…at length…happened after the turkey and before the pumpkin pie!).  It was just devastating to even hear or say “heart attack” in the same breath with “dad.”  It was a rough time for our family (stories for another time: what dad said when I got to the hospital, my sister and I fighting like 10 year olds, etc. – stress does things to you.)  Anyways, that was 9 years ago and in the interim my dad has become the hero of eating right, not smoking, and exercise.  He is healthier than any of us!  In hindsight, the heart attack was a blessing.  God gave him a nudge in the ribs that stopped him from having “a big one” a few years later.  

Ok, so where am I going with all this?  This is what I’ve learned,

1. The best thing about gestational diabetes for an IFer is the gestational part.  I’m pregnant.  How many IFers would pray for that much.
2. God is in everything.  He didn’t forget me and give me GD he remembered me and didn’t give me a worse diagnosis.
3. This is an important nudge for me.  I am high risk for type II diabetes.  Hopefully what I can learn from this will improve my health beyond my pregnancy.

My appt. is Friday to learn about the glucometer and get a customized diet.  It will feel good to have a plan.  In the meantime I have to survive Thanksgiving!