Baby Dust Diaries

A Life Less Ordinary

Are Your Ready For Parenting?

Are you ready to be a parent?
Take this reality test and find out! (provided by our Bradley instructor)

Mess Test
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flowerbed from outside and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Repeat. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

Toy Test
Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos (if Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream. (This could wake a child at night.)

Dressing Test
Obtain one large, unhappy, living octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

Feeding Test
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

Night Test
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 – 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

Physical Test (Women)
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of you clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.

Physical Test (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

Grocery Store Test
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

Final Assignment
Find a couple who has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

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5 Comments

  1. I love this one!! It has to be my favorite blog so far 🙂 I can honestly say every bit of it is true and until you experience it (and you will) you might think it is exaggerated. What I would like to add is true and yeat a great funny memory…..

    Try going to visit your best friend in another state to see her and her husband’s 1st home and their White couch she talked to you about for hours! Now, go to the store with your friend and leave 2 count them 2 men with 2 children and when you get back there is RED yes RED NAIL POLISH on her brand new white couch. She does still love even though she didn’t have any kids at that time. Although the friend still has nightmares about it.

  2. I love this one!! It has to be my favorite blog so far 🙂 I can honestly say every bit of it is true and until you experience it (and you will) you might think it is exaggerated. What I would like to add is true and yeat a great funny memory…..

    Try going to visit your best friend in another state to see her and her husband's 1st home and their White couch she talked to you about for hours! Now, go to the store with your friend and leave 2 count them 2 men with 2 children and when you get back there is RED yes RED NAIL POLISH on her brand new white couch. She does still love even though she didn't have any kids at that time. Although the friend still has nightmares about it.

  3. LOL. Thank God for reversible couch cushions. Don’t worry, I plan on visiting you and repaying the favor some day. Really though our husbands need to be slapped for being so involved in video games that they missed that!

  4. LOL I love the last one. My dh and I have always joked that our kids are perfect. My dh was saying this a few weeks ago, and I said, “I don’t know about that…our baby is sure making me sick!” 🙂

    Tammy from HP

  5. I guess I just choose to remember the good things about raising my children. When they are adults you tend to not think is was so bad after all. Wouldn’t have missed it for the world. Love, MOM

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