Baby Dust Diaries

A Life Less Ordinary

Embryo Transfer Tomorrow

The lab just called to schedule our ET for tomorrow at 9:30.  I am just sick to my stomach because I was so hoping for a 5 day transfer.  I know I shouldn’t have but I just had it built up in my mind as the “goal” of IVF.  I should have asked more questions about number and egg quality but she said “some have slowed down and it looks like you have 9 that are ok.”  Some?  Ok?  Where do these people get their words?  Don’t they know I live and breathe by them?  So, do we have more than 9 and some have slowed down but 9 are doing good?  Do we only have 9 and most of them suck?  I know this is completely out of my hands now.  God is watching my babies and the lab people.  I have to trust.  But I still want to throw up.

I so underestimated how this would feel.  The question of weather a failed IVF is going to feel like a miscarriage is moot.  I feel like these are my babies dying and they aren’t even inside me yet.  I wish I had more control over the lab process.  I want to see each embryo and let ME decide if I think it is arresting or if I think it can be frozen.  Those are my babies and they are in someone else’s care.

There is a dam of tears behind my eyes and my heart is in my throat.

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3 Comments

  1. It is such a difficult process, and brings up all kinds of feelings you weren’t expecting. But just trust that it will work out the way it is supposed to. I wish you lots of peace and calmness for your transfer tomorrow and for the weeks ahead. Be positive! Sending lots of good thoughts your way.

  2. I wish you both peace and calmness and joy and love for your transfer in the morning.
    Dear God hear my prayer. Thank you for all life and love you have blessed us with. Help us all to accept your will for our lives and to do the best job we can with what you provide. Guide the minds and hands that are administering to these tiny beings and give their parents a measure of peace. Amen

  3. My embryo transfer is tomorrow. I, too, would have to say that I completely underestimated how this would feel.

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