Baby Dust Diaries

A Life Less Ordinary

What the hell?

Ok, I almost don’t want to post this because tomorrow I’m going to feel like an idiot.  Hey, if I’m going to blog I might as well parade my hope, pain, misery, and stupidity all accross the web.

I am 7dpiui and this evening I had spotting.  I wasn’t even looking because I’ve been so sure that this cycle is a bust but I guess “looking” is just a habit.  When I saw it I had an instantaneous spike of hope followed immediately by a punch of despair.  I was doing so good with not getting my hopes up this cycle.  I have NEVER, EVER spotted in my lp and this was pink – not pink as in diluted red, but actually pink.  How can this change of pace for my body not make me hopeful?

Even now I am sure I can feel AF coming on.  Why must my body always find new ways to mock me?  I’ve gotten past phantom nausea, breast pain, and any myriad of “pregnancy” symptoms that my body has thrown my way.  And now this.

Three things can come of this:

1.  AF arrives tomorrow:  WTF?  talk about luteal phase defect!  I don’t think 7 days is going to fall into normal and maybe they should give me the damn progesterone like I fucking asked.

2.  No more spotting tomorrow, AF arrives next Tuesday as planned.  My body played the ultimate mind fuck.  If this happens I don’t know what I’ll do.  Seriously, just thinking about it makes me more depressed than I’ve ever felt in my life.

3.  We all know the third thing that could happen.

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